6 posts tagged “lair of curiosities and absurdities”

Yesterday I was thinking of the subject of happiness. I wonder if sensitivity and happiness are directly related. I think so.

I am able to create moments of "happiness" where I take pleasure in the most simplest of things and where I make connections between the dissimilar. I can be very creative in my perspectives to where I am able to create my own worlds and wholly exist in them. But I admit that sometimes I can allow those worlds to become nightmares of some sort where sinister faces and scenes appear around every corner and sweet, pure and playful things aren't exactly as wonderful as they seem. This happens if I let it because there are so many ways to perceive when you let in a variety of triggers ("changing agents" or perhaps "malevolent bottles of dyes") and when invisible shape-shifter entities are seen only when they take on a specific form or identity.

Sometimes you find that those shape-shifters are many sly copies of yourself.

I just had a random thought. Looked outside of my window just now and saw a tall cluster of trees that has been there for as long as I can remember. Their branches and leaves are swaying in the windy atmosphere. I thought to myself, "These are someone's veins." I also began to think that sometimes a hyper-manifestation of details is very sickening...

Where is the blood? Is the blood air? Is the blood represented by any place water exists?

I recently got this vision of being in an eerily silent hallway full of doors on each side. The doors are semi-transparent to where I can see the movement of shadows behind them but no clarity. The end of the hallway shows a panel of two doors, also partially transparent, no knobs, with the out pour of muted bright light. I turn away from the end of the hallway as there is no way to open up the panel. Each time I look for a door handle, a shadowed body showing from behind the panel copies my movement.

I look around at the hallway doors and go to open up one door. I see giant legs and feet shuffling back and forth as I peer in. When I look up, the legs continue upwards forever with no connected body in sight. But they continue to fidget and as they do I can hear dancing sounds that mimic the effects of empty plastic bottles continually falling down on a surface.

I close the door and look across the hallway to approach another door. I can see thick and clear liquid oozing out of the seams of the doorway. The smell is slightly noxious but induces a euphoric feeling each time I deeply inhale and the pleasure makes me quickly envision fading scenarios of bundled shapes and patterns. I open the door and a huge eye is revealed. The eyeball bulges out of the doorway further, quivering and unable to blink while releasing more of that slimy thick clear liquid from the edges.

I feel this urge to punch the eye in the middle of the pupil. Once I do this, the eye pops like a balloon that has just received a sharp pin prick, and releases the sound of a woman's coquettish laugh. The door closes and the knob disappears with the ting of a bell.

I decide to open another door but as I stand in front of it, something doesn't feel right. I feel as if this is the wrong door to open...ever. I open the door anyway and a gigantic head of a penis pops through the entryway. The meatus is very large and stretchy and as I stare into its tunnel, I find myself immediately sucked into its passage.  As my body is enveloped by the opening, I feel waves of insane pleasure.

The penis passage appears to be another hallway, a fleshy and spongy hallway. I go further into the passage and with each step I hear the combined sounds of pops and erotic male moans at many pitches. The pitches deepen as I move toward the end of the tunnel. There is a throbbing, bulbous and round wad of veiny flesh at the end. A voice emanates from it and asks me if I know madness. The voice is incredibly low-pitched and threatening in delivery. I answer to it that I know madness and I hear a loud gasp. Before I know it, a long arm fronted with a big tightened fist comes through the flesh knob and punches me in the face to where both of my eyes are damaged. I throw my hands to my face and over my eyes in horror and in pain...and I can feel wetness and pieces of delicate tissue seep through the cracks of my fingers. My legs and feet shift back and forth as I try to bear the pain.

The voice continues to speak to me but I have no idea what it is saying. The language is obscure and like nothing I've ever heard before. The voice gets louder and I can feel the interior walls of the penis tightening around my body. They are closing in. I can't move. My body is frozen in the position of tragic agony. The voice tells me to let go many times and "see". I ignore it knowing that I can't move or that I can no longer see due to the damage and mutilation to my eyes. But it continues to tell me to let go and see. I scream in frustration and horror and struggle to do something. Anything. The voice continues to pressure me into submission to its commands. The walls get so tight around my body that I feel I will explode open into a bloody and bony mess.

To my shock, another voice yells out my name and it sounds like my own voice as I strain to make sense of it at first. My voice is also telling me to let go and see. I scream out for help but I realize that this makes no sense. My voice from afar tells me that if I don't let go and see, that I will die and find myself fragmenting into a million pieces, scattered around many worlds never feeling complete or whole no matter how hard I search and look. Each found piece will immediately unlock a new lost piece somewhere else thus continuing the hellish nightmare.

I fight to open my eyes and let go of the tight sensation that continues to envelop around my body. I find that I can begin to see something although my hands are in the same position. I find that I begin to feel free although the walls of the penile passage still tighten around me.

As this new vision comes into focus, I notice that I am in a blue warehouse room. A naked baby is sitting upright in the middle of the room staring at me with very wide doll-like eyes. The color of its eyes cannot be made out as they appear to constantly change in hue far too fast for perception to take hold of.

The baby hiccups and falls over and reveals a propped mirror behind it. I lean down to see what is in the reflection of the mirror. The reflection is of a large nude infant leaning over to peer unto itself. The eyes are alert, expressive and full of bewildered curiosity...

Yesterday I was thinking of the subject of happiness. I wonder if sensitivity and happiness are directly related. I think so.

I am able to create moments of "happiness" where I take pleasure in the most simplest of things and where I make connections between the dissimilar. I can be very creative in my perspectives to where I am able to create my own worlds and wholly exist in them. But I admit that sometimes I can allow those worlds to become nightmares of some sort where sinister faces and scenes appear around every corner and sweet, pure and playful things aren't exactly as wonderful as they seem. This happens if I let it because there are so many ways to perceive when you let in a variety of triggers ("changing agents" or perhaps "malevolent bottles of dyes") and when invisible shape-shifter entities are seen only when they take on a specific form or identity.

Sometimes you find that those shape-shifters are many sly copies of yourself.

I just had a random thought. Looked outside of my window just now and saw a tall cluster of trees that has been there for as long as I can remember. Their branches and leaves are swaying in the windy atmosphere. I thought to myself, "These are someone's veins." I also began to think that sometimes a hyper-manifestation of details is very sickening...

Where is the blood? Is the blood air? Is the blood represented by any place water exists?

I recently got this vision of being in an eerily silent hallway full of doors on each side. The doors are semi-transparent to where I can see the movement of shadows behind them but no clarity. The end of the hallway shows a panel of two doors, also partially transparent, no knobs, with the out pour of muted bright light. I turn away from the end of the hallway as there is no way to open up the panel. Each time I look for a door handle, a shadowed body showing from behind the panel copies my movement.

I look around at the hallway doors and go to open up one door. I see giant legs and feet shuffling back and forth as I peer in. When I look up, the legs continue upwards forever with no connected body in sight. But they continue to fidget and as they do I can hear dancing sounds that mimic the effects of empty plastic bottles continually falling down on a surface.

I close the door and look across the hallway to approach another door. I can see thick and clear liquid oozing out of the seams of the doorway. The smell is slightly noxious but induces a euphoric feeling each time I deeply inhale and the pleasure makes me quickly envision fading scenarios of bundled shapes and patterns. I open the door and a huge eye is revealed. The eyeball bulges out of the doorway further, quivering and unable to blink while releasing more of that slimy thick clear liquid from the edges.

I feel this urge to punch the eye in the middle of the pupil. Once I do this, the eye pops like a balloon that has just received a sharp pin prick, and releases the sound of a woman's coquettish laugh. The door closes and the knob disappears with the ting of a bell.

I decide to open another door but as I stand in front of it, something doesn't feel right. I feel as if this is the wrong door to open...ever. I open the door anyway and a gigantic head of a penis pops through the entryway. The meatus is very large and stretchy and as I stare into its tunnel, I find myself immediately sucked into its passage.  As my body is enveloped by the opening, I feel waves of insane pleasure.

The penis passage appears to be another hallway, a fleshy and spongy hallway. I go further into the passage and with each step I hear the combined sounds of pops and erotic male moans at many pitches. The pitches deepen as I move toward the end of the tunnel. There is a throbbing, bulbous and round wad of veiny flesh at the end. A voice emanates from it and asks me if I know madness. The voice is incredibly low-pitched and threatening in delivery. I answer to it that I know madness and I hear a loud gasp. Before I know it, a long arm fronted with a big tightened fist comes through the flesh knob and punches me in the face to where both of my eyes are damaged. I throw my hands to my face and over my eyes in horror and in pain...and I can feel wetness and pieces of delicate tissue seep through the cracks of my fingers. My legs and feet shift back and forth as I try to bear the pain.

The voice continues to speak to me but I have no idea what it is saying. The language is obscure and like nothing I've ever heard before. The voice gets louder and I can feel the interior walls of the penis tightening around my body. They are closing in. I can't move. My body is frozen in the position of tragic agony. The voice tells me to let go many times and "see". I ignore it knowing that I can't move or that I can no longer see due to the damage and mutilation to my eyes. But it continues to tell me to let go and see. I scream in frustration and horror and struggle to do something. Anything. The voice continues to pressure me into submission to its commands. The walls get so tight around my body that I feel I will explode open into a bloody and bony mess.

To my shock, another voice yells out my name and it sounds like my own voice as I strain to make sense of it at first. My voice is also telling me to let go and see. I scream out for help but I realize that this makes no sense. My voice from afar tells me that if I don't let go and see, that I will die and find myself fragmenting into a million pieces, scattered around many worlds never feeling complete or whole no matter how hard I search and look. Each found piece will immediately unlock a new lost piece somewhere else thus continuing the hellish nightmare.

I fight to open my eyes and let go of the tight sensation that continues to envelop around my body. I find that I can begin to see something although my hands are in the same position. I find that I begin to feel free although the walls of the penile passage still tighten around me.

As this new vision comes into focus, I notice that I am in a blue warehouse room. A naked baby is sitting upright in the middle of the room staring at me with very wide doll-like eyes. The color of its eyes cannot be made out as they appear to constantly change in hue far too fast for perception to take hold of.

The baby hiccups and falls over and reveals a propped mirror behind it. I lean down to see what is in the reflection of the mirror. The reflection is of a large nude infant leaning over to peer unto itself. The eyes are alert, expressive and full of bewildered curiosity...

I am getting some disturbing images and thoughts about faces.

My mind is imagining a young woman who has encountered an irreversible, startling and/or disgusting reality in the faces of others. This is what she sees:

• Faces that possess the texture of the bottoms of very dirty and filthy shoes.


• Faces that are teeming with a million worms living inside of pores


• Faces that are filled with pulsating juicy blueberries embedded underneath the skin


• Faces that cast off double expressions where twisted smiles are half-way engulfed by shriveling sad mouths and where widened happy eyes are infused with pairs that are covered heavily in white film and signs of massive infection


• Faces that, upon closer inspection, are really illusions created by the clustering and bonding of extremely tiny multi-colored squeaking creatures


• Faces that are frozen in an expression but emanate the most lively and animated voices and sound effects.


• Faces that are hideous to look at for a few seconds but soon become interpreted as profoundly beautiful visions


• Faces that contain extrusions of many bone-like growths


• Faces that appear to have depth but really are very flat surfaces that exist only in theory


• Faces that look normal from a distance but reveal themselves as twisted and gaping portals into unknown realms once they are closer in view.


• Faces that are entirely parasitic entities and traps that wait for engaging conversations with others but devour and take on the look and entity of their victims once they are fully consumed. 


• Faces that explode into a violent storm of sand and smoke once certain key words are spoken to them


• Faces that enlarge into the massive size of planets at certain times of the day which immediately alters the existence and and reality of any current spectators

I am not sure why these images are flooding into my mind. Some of them are very unpleasant. I think they might be coming to mind as somewhat synesthetic interpretations of impressions I've gotten from various people lately. Yeah I think that's it.

What does it mean to be very human? How would we all look if we lived by our rawest behavioral codes? I notice that people are threatened by and very judgmental towards other who are "more human" than they are. I guess everything we do is human so to speak because we are humans doing whatever we do, but I am referring to "being human" as a way to describe a state of living in free expression of your natural instincts...no matter how odd they seem.

For example, I'll get an urge to utter this nonsensical sound while sitting at my computer typing. It's random and it doesn't seem to many any sense...but the urge is there once in awhile. If I were in the room with someone else or with a group of people and totally expressed this, I'd probably startle others or make them think I was on something because it's not kosher and "normal" behavior.

I sometimes get the urge to get up and let out a scream, get into a certain body position, moved my arms in a certain way, let out a guttural laugh or say a gibberish word or term that comes about from looking at an associated person or object. Some of these things relate to having synesthesia but I think on a basic level...they are still things that others might feel the need to do too. I censor all of these things when I am around people...because of course I've adapted to common social etiquette and I wouldn't want anyone to perceive me as crazy, unpleasant or uncouth.

But what if we all just let go...lived in a state of complete natural expression and thinking? What would happen? Who would you be? What would you discover about yourself? How would society restructure itself overall? Would we develop a natural life rhythm as a social community?

I think we might be the only species that lives with censorship of our authentic natures.

I know I am not going to go out tomorrow and start behaving this way. My filters will remain on and I will continue to respect social etiquette more or less because I just don't live in that kind of society but I still think about this from time to time. I also wonder if this makes any sense to others. I like to think many can relate to this and that everyone in their own way has their "weird urges" and impulses that they hold back all the time...without thinking...because we've been socialized.

"So what do you do for a living?"
"I bake snakes."

"What did you think? That two men couldn't have sex together and not mistake a knife for a fork?"

"How's that washer and dryer unit working?"

She began laughing insanely and writhing violently on that filthy mattress.

"I am inclined to think that any man can chew his way through his own fat if he wanted to."

"What's so funny about this? I don't know anyone else? Do you? Because I've got a lot of jitters in my heart and each time I expel, the world moves with me."

"Susan doesn't think with all of her sunsets. Eventually, they'll all expire and that will be the Ends of Days for her."

"I know plenty of Christmas men. They are proud, strong and think with a good hunter and gatherer instinct. That'll make any mother proud, that she'll sparkle like a tree and her love will burn like an eternal flame in the passions and throes of the holy fireplace of life."

"Harmony and precincts go together. When one is absent, there's no place for individuals to gather in championship and peace."

"Why those would make a fine pair of gloves! Just hollow out the flesh and bone and hang them up to dry."

"You sure had me fooled. I thought you were lost. But now I recognize you again and we look the same."

The room was very dark, however upon close inspection; she could make out a vague shadow standing in the corner near the heavily curtained windows. The shadow appeared to be rocking back and forth in short sluggish movements. The head looked to be misshapen and the body was somewhat amorphous; long exaggerated extremities and bodily edges that looked to be viscous in texture.
There was a peculiar smell of smoke about the room. She held in her breath and lowered herself further below the bed's mattress level. The shadow began to slowly but steadily drift toward the bed in intermittent but brief displays of disappearances. It looked like a constant play of flickers and with each flicker, the shadow became less amorphous and more revealing...

"Charlie! Charlie!! Please listen to me! Listen to me!!"

"Would you stop yelling?! What's the matter with you? Why were you screaming like that? "

"I can't help it! There's something down there and we have to get out of here!! I know what I saw and...Oh Charlie I am so scared!"

"You stay right here. I am going to go --"

"No!!! Please don't go!! You'll be in danger! Please!! Listen to me!"

"Alright, alright! Calm down and tell me what you saw."

"I...I....I heard this humming sound while I was reading on the couch and it was coming from the refrigerator. So I decided to check it out and...Oh Charlie..."

"Go on...go on."

"I decided to check it out and I opened the refrigerator. I saw this other world Charlie! This other world!"

"What the fuck do you mean this other world? Are you out of your goddamned fucking mind! You must have been dreaming."

"No no no!!! I wasn't dreaming!! I saw it Charlie, I saw acres and acres of moving fields, tall zigzagged blades of grass and big mountains staggering in a darkening horizon! It looked like I could fall right through. I thought I was seeing things but I wasn't Charlie! I continued to look and before I knew it, the heads of these gel-like creatures appeared around the corners of the refrigerator from inside the view! They had large foreheads and I could see everything inside their heads...there was something, like a central eye in the forehead and that made me see a face when I looked into it. Christ! It was my own fucking face and I could see myself opening my mouth really freakishly wide like I was going to attack myself!! Eat myself whole! My face got closer and I thought I was going to fall into my own mouth and get swallowed so that's when you heard me scream and I couldn't stop screaming Charlie! I closed the door and ran upstairs as fast I could!"

"Evening Sir"
"Evening"
"Say, do you know where Oakley Avenue is?"
"I do. It's one more street over. Just continue down this path and you'll see it. You can't miss it"
"Wondeful. Thank you sir!"
"My pleasure."
The stranger's eyes crinkled tightly around the corners, he smiled and continued watering his grass.
George turned around to survey the path down the neighborhood road. He could see the street, that the stranger referenced, just down the path.
"Say sir, I have one more quest--"
The stranger was gone, along with his house and the entire neighborhood. Right in front of George was a door in the hue of soft dull blue. On the door was a label that said Oakley Avenue in bold Baskerville type. George was stunned and bewildered. He turned around again and saw that the back wall of an empty sterile room, in the same color of the door, had replaced the view of the neighborhood road.
George faced the door again and saw that it was now slightly ajar and a glowing yellow light was coming through.
George gave the room another look in complete confusion and apprehensively decided to push the door further open and explore...

"I don't like mustard. I especially don't like runny mustard. It's sickening, it's vile and very horrifying...and when I hear her talk, I become devastatingly ill."

"I smoke cigarettes because I can. You drink because you can't. Our convictions are different."

I sneezed and blew out all of the life I had left in me...but was there a creator still within?

Little Delights

I am discovering more about myself, but this is what I've always wanted...it can sometimes be a harrowing experience, however there are very surreal moments and certainly highly validating periods...the latter is the overlay...

parasite posed as a sweet and delicious cupcake

fingertips embedded with hidden doorways

clear numbers and unidentified shapes reveal the viewer

spiral displaying curved and infinite glances into other worlds

Do I have the courage to become a vessel?
Do I have the strength to crystalize?

Let's choose this title carefully and let it unleash a miracle...an absolute and startling wonder.

Pollen in the hallways of mortal wind leads way to keystone genesis.