20 posts tagged “opinions”

I wish there were more places and opportunities for adults to indulge in recess activities that they participated in as children.

I don't know why we have to abandon these fun things as we become older. As adults, we often feel a need to "get to the gym" when we want physical activities in our lives and some of us will step out of the gym to go for walks once in awhile, but I miss these activities that I often played when younger: I truly do not believe that the activities below have to only be activities for grade school children.

Four Square
Handball
Tetherball
Kickball
Softball
Paddleball (the sport, like Racquetball)
Dodgeball
Hopscotch
Hide-and-Seek
Water Balloon Fights
Tag / Freeze Tag / Hospital
Four Corners
Jump rope  /Chinese Jump Rope (totally remember this!) / Double Dutch
Cake Walk (during special events)
Relay Racing

and much more.

I have to jog my memory for most of the other games I played as a kid.

Kids would come back in after lunch and morning recess very sweaty and tired. These games were an awesome way to work out naturally and it was pure fun. No one thought about "getting exercise" or "burning calories" or anything of the sort. It was just about getting out and enjoying ourselves out on the "blacktop".

I definitely think this is missing in adulthood. The absence of activities like these limits us to unnatural ways of working out that often feel like monotonous, boring and tiresome obligatory chores. I think if we participated in more natural ways to be active, we'd see a great change in the way we define and fall into being fit as grownups. I certainly still like going to gym once in awhile but I really ache for very organic activities most of the time. It's just more intuitive and I'd feel much more inspired to get out and do something physical regularly.

I also think that such games always sparked creativity and imagination. Kids would make up rules to some of these traditional childhood games or create new games period. I certainly remember I did.  LOL

For example, I made up my own techniques in handball. One technique was called "buttercup". The hit would involve "getting" the ball at the right time after the other person hit it against the wall, and bouncing it three times with one hand before hitting it back against the wall for the other person to hit again. You'd score more points this way if the game was being based on a point system. Soon I had many other kids on the playground talking about the buttercup move. LOL It became a standard for some games settings/rules although very few knew I started it. Others created their own rules and hits too.

I would also play hours by myself with tetherball and handball, because these could and would be solitary games too. I loved every minute of this and I certainly miss it.

I think it would be awesome to start an "adult recess" club like this someday where groups of people could join up and play these games in a dedicated areas often.

I certainly feel that as adults we need to continue the glory of recess games and activities.

If you could snap your fingers and make the life of your dreams instantly appear, exactly what would that life look like? While you're working so diligently to move forward, do you have a clear and detailed definition of where you intend to go?

An essential part of achieving what you desire is to know exactly what it is. Unfortunately, the people and events in your world often discourage and dissuade you from seriously considering your own ideas for what life at its best can be.

If you're not diligent about exploring and clarifying your own authentic desires, the world will impose its pre-packaged, shallow and empty desires upon your life. This can leave you frustrated, discouraged and unfulfilled as you strive to work toward goals that have no real meaning for you.

On a regular basis, allow your desires to come bubbling to the surface, so you can more fully understand them and connect with them. Enjoy the fact that there are things for which you truly long, and know that there is a path to every one of them.

Let your vision of what life can be pull you consistently toward its fulfillment. When you are clear about what you seek and why, you'll gain access to the resources and the strategies that will enable you to achieve it.

Instead of suppressing your desires or placing judgments on them, make yourself more and more familiar with their substance. Put real meaning in your life by giving life and energy to the things that mean most to you.

-- Ralph Marston

My thoughts:

I had to share this. This is so very well said. I believe in all of it wholeheartedly, have expressed this truth in a variety of ways through journal entries and creative messages. These are beliefs that I personally live and feel strongly moved by.

I think everyone should live by these beliefs of authenticity for each person can then discover their own truth, path and desires.

Not an easy road to take but it is liberating when you trust in the journey of this kind of exploration.

You begin to see YOU and with each new level of growth and confidence, living in delusional becomes less and less of an option.

I especially find the last paragraph quite potent. I think this is where most people feel the power of fear strongest.

How many of us shadowbox in ways that we are unaware of? We might find, in some cases, that some of the things that evoke the strongest negative reactions (hate, violence, judgment, disgust, resentment, fear and so on) in us might be things that hold some desire or curiosity....things that, if we can become bold enough to confront with the most brutal brand of self-objective honesty, might reveal some aspect of our true nature.

Why are we so afraid of that path to freedom?

Is there true freedom in darkness and delusion? What can we see if we truly become bare to ourselves? How might our lives, beliefs and convictions change? Our desires? Our purposes for living?

Sometimes those changes might compel us to make very difficult sacrifices. In some cases, this might be a long-invested career or even a marriage or long-term partnership. The person we become might not match up to commitments we've made in the past because those decisions were made in darkness...while we wore masks.

This is where some people might feel the need to hold on to delusion because it's too painful to suddenly see so much change and "loss" even if it means we find/gain our true selves in the process.

This is hard for everyone.

What is the American dream?

Of course each person defines it differently when it is defined on an individual basis, but for many I'd argue that the American dream is about attaining financial prosperity. Some people might argue that it includes other things such as family, romantic relationships, and a great network of friends. I wouldn't disagree, but again I see the driving force of the American dream as the desire for wealth. Wealth represents comfort, security..."good living".

Everyone wants a piece of prosperity pie. I don't feel this is a bad thing necessarily as long as the perspective is in check, in that a person isn't blindly driven, at all costs, by this pursuit.

Because of the economic meltdown, it seems like so many people are thinking that the American dream is out of reach...that it's a dream that must be retired. I am witnessing this sentiment through CNN and C-SPAN news reports, various business/finance/work discussion forums and several friends and acquaintances as discussions deepen on job losses, debt, financial strain and even career refocus. Some people have been in job positions for years that are now categorically disappearing. These are people who've been used to specializing in a certain career role and have invested all of their time, training and experience in a specific skill set.

Not everyone has the luxury of going back to school as they deal with ongoing financial demands that they no longer can meet as efficiently as before (or in some cases at all). Not everyone knows what their next step should be once they realize the need to change their game plan. They might see that their talents and abilities are only best expressed through a specific job type. They are probably still paying off student loans in addition to car loans and credit card debt. I think the current conditions are forcing people to either at least redefine their strategy in working towards accomplishing their vision of the American dream or define it differently completely which might not include the goal of wealth anymore.

I also think many people who currently own businesses are wondering if they will be able to grow their investments as they'd hope to now that they aren't doing so well. In fact their businesses might be very close to folding as they try to make ends meet and pay off both personal and business expenses. Some people might find themselves spending way more time working at their businesses because as a small entity, they too have laid off workers they can't afford to finance, and as a result need to cover many of those duties and tasks on their own. Things only get worse if they are married and have families because there is less time to spend with loved ones.

People who currently work at jobs aren't truly in control, especially now. They do realize that, depending on the agenda of the company they work for, they could become expendable at any time. Furthermore, one doesn't build wealth through an investment of time at a 9-5 job. If that's where <b>most</b> of one's income comes from, they aren't really ahead of the game and there's not much financial leverage. That makes them even more dependent on and vulnerable to their company's provisions. That's not exactly a secure place to be either during an economy's breakdown. People want security and that includes in knowing where they stand and how they are truly valued in an industry.

Some freelancers in certain industries are feeling the pinch too. They might still have work coming in, however new and regular clients in many cases have less money to pay freelancers for a project, so freelancers are having to agree to fees that are lower than what they usually charge hourly. There are also longer gaps present with getting regular work. Several friends who freelance full-time aren't doing as well as before. Many of them live either on their own or with a roommate and express how difficult it is to continue to secure their independence. Some have had to move back home temporarily. I have one friend in particular who is contemplating moving back to the Midwest to live with her family because she can no longer afford her new apartment rent. If she doesn't find some steady work by next week, she is going to book a flight home and have to abandon many of the things she's got going  on here which includes her full independence. In terms of her career goals, Los Angeles is also the place for her to be, so that's another disadvantage.

Additionally, I do wonder how many people look at celebrities now. I wonder if the cult of fascination is finally beginning to show a decrease or even result in mass disgust and disdain. Or are people clinging more tightly to "living vicariously" through celebrities by obsessing over them more? Over the years, the culture of celebrity has grown to insane proportions. The lives of celebrities have come to truly represent an obscene and hyperbolic display of the American dream.

As for myself, do I feel that my vision of the American dream has been threatened?

I guess that depends on my perspective.  I am seeing some of my plans come through slowly but surely so far and I know I will continue to have to put in full effort in the areas I am focusing on right now for growth and expansion.   As for my goals for financial wealth, well I still believe that they are possible and although things are bad for the North American economy there are still opportunities for making money.

I just need to keep up with economic news, continue to research and learn, spend wisely and continue to believe and see that there's a demand for artistic output in entertainment both in the fields of writing and illustration.  My career goals mainly lie within those areas. I aspire to write and illustrate books, develop scripts, create and develop animation shorts, design game blueprints for developers (both casual gaming and console), sell and exhibit my artwork and create brands of my own through character designs and storytelling. All these tie into one another and they will happen in time.

If I can make good money doing what I love then I've managed to accomplish the gist of what I define as the American dream. I certainly include well-being and closeness of family, good health, eventually a happy stable marriage with my partner, circle of great friends, artistic enrichment and personal growth.

I guess my dream in a big picture perspective is to live a very fulfilling life where I can appreciate things and people holistically, see tremendous growth, clarity and confidence in myself overall, honor my true passions and constantly be a conduit and pursuer of inspiration.  I mean aren't these the most important things regardless of how uniquely they apply to each person? I feel all that generally takes care of the rest. They are goals of substance. Having money alone is not going to bring any of that necessarily although it's a possible byproduct of living your life meaningfully, authentically and to its fullest potential.

So no I don't believe that the American dream is -dead-. I think we all have to make some changes from now on in how we go about pursuing some of our goals and defining what is important to us. I guess we always had to do this but now, there's more challenge to really jump into this process.

2009 will be a year of seeing more focus and fruition in and from my efforts.

For everyone, 2009 should be a year of taking the right risks, expanding perspectives and experiences and applying your potential.

Live fully and life for you and most importantly, never stop believing in your dreams no matter what.

A friend of mine made a comment on Facebook through her "25 Random Things" post. She mentioned something that definitely made a strong impression and that I fully agree with. It's a great comment for reflection:

"The older I get, the more I realize that there are many paths to
happiness and a million different ways to live a life. I think
sometimes we fear those who make different choices because we need to
believe that WE have made the RIGHT choices. I think we all do the best
with what we have." - Penny McNatt-Devine

It makes you wonder why so many people are almost violently opposed or dismayed when it comes to expressing or having an opinion on the way other people live. They feel like the way they live their lives is the way others should. It's almost like they need a sense of validation for how they've chosen to live because it would only make sense if others chose to make the same commitments and decisions...or even believed the same things.

I think some people can become so used to living in one way that their identity, the only one they know of themselves, becomes dependent on that. If choices and life changes, then the way they recognize themselves changes too and that might be scary because then that would make them feel like they've failed...that they were wrong just when they thought they had life figured out or that they have no clue on how to function in the future now that everything has fallen out of familiarity.

We can apply this to so many examples...especially the ones involving religious, political, homophobic and racial fanatics...to name a few.

I do feel a lot of the grandstanding in this context comes from people being dissatisfied with how they live or not wanting to be challenged to reconsider or evaluate their own life choices and beliefs. We all, either at some point or to some degree, wanted/want the security of knowing that we were/are making the right decisions or that the way we see things is the "correct" way. So we look for ways that we can validate that...validate ourselves.

I also don't think people are always aware of the ways in which they seek validation. It might be hard to notice or we might think that whatever we do in a given context is based on authentic convictions or beliefs...when it's all a metaphor for something deeper that we seek or feel that is missing. If anyone here has read T. C. Boyle's "Carnal Knowledge"...this is a perfect example.

This is why I have an interest in occasionally taking a deep look at the things I feel strongly about. Are they really true passions? Are they really things that I feel truly represent me? Are they really things that I want to do in life or beliefs that I want to live by? Are certain disciplines or restrictions that I place on myself necessary or meaningful? What would my life be like if I didn't let some fears dictate how it was lived? What can i do to live more in courage rather than fear? Why do I feel so tied to certain aspects of my identity?

I also don't think people are always aware of the ways in which they seek validation. It might be hard to notice or we might think that whatever we do in a given context is based on authentic convictions or beliefs...when it's all a metaphor for something deeper that we seek or feel that is missing. If anyone here has read T. C. Boyle's "Carnal Knowledge"...this is a perfect example.

I also think, as the quote implies, that we never ask ourselves if we could be happy living life in more than one way. We often feel that is the one golden path to happiness or whatever happiness means to us. We are often too scared or fearful to find out what other paths could provide for us. Sometimes we are forced to see another way of living due to circumstances or unexpected events. Not everyone does well in that event...some people continue to try to hold on to their old way of seeing and doing things because that's all they know and that's what they've based security and identity on.

Historically the muses are typically regarded as nine young goddesses of inspiration who personify and embody the arts, poetry and sciences. They were entities of song and grace that inspired people to exert their best efforts and live to their fullest potential. Additionally, they engendered harmony, prosperity and friendships.

What would it mean to become a muse in today's time? Do you have a desire to become a muse of any sort? If so, what kind of muse would you be? How do you normally find yourself inspiring others? How do you purposefully like to inspire others? My belief is that both men and women can be muses, muses can be of any age and muses can possess a number of visual impressions. The stereotype is that muses look like flawless beauties. I think instead muses possess a unique beauty of spirit; a brand of individuality that is magnetic. This might make an impression upon his/her looks or it might at first not be so aesthetically obvious but would be something that people FEEL when they come into contact with him/her.

When I mention a modern day muse, I very much mean in a real sense. Not paranormally. I also think there are muse qualities in all of us, but my focus is more in being a muse in awareness...in a way that is organically asserted and confidently activated.

I've thought about this for some time, but I'd like to consider myself a muse of sorts and I'd like to be more confidently and actively. I think in asserting yourself this way, you as the muse realize, that by natural rule, living as a muse incites more passionate living.

Unbridled passionate living.

I also think a modern day muse feeds off of inspiration in many ways too. They don't just inspire others. Inspiration becomes a fuel of sorts, in both directions. So when a muse ceases to find inspiration and to create or embody it in some manner, the muse identity "dies".

I've exercised my muse powers through Meetup.com recently. I started a group for exercise and fitness which targets women who are curvy, plus-sized and/or plump. I speak to an audience of women who are happy about and find beauty in being thicker and rubenesque in stature but would like to tone up and participate in regular exercise activity so that our fitness levels are heightened as curvy women. Our goal is not to be thin but to be healthy. This inspires a great many of women to redefine beauty for themselves and to see their own loveliness through and through.

Mingling with others, sending messages and speaking up is important in cultivating muse power and spirit. Again the aim of a muse is to live passionately, embrace living and embody inspiration.

How do you wish to do this? It can be done in so many ways:

    
• Join or start a new group based on unique interests, desires and goals
• Cultivate your own sense of style or bring it out again in full vigor
• Explore new ideas and thoughts; challenge old ones
• Define why you are beautiful in your own way apart from what society dictates and begin living in this newfound sense of pride
• Champion a new or long-abandoned cause
• Find a way to help someone realize their potential, their dreams or their value
• Do something new and different each day
• Read, listen to and see curious books, music and film respectively
• Try a brand new cuisine
• Research different lifestyles and viewpoints
• Do something you've always done the same in a completely new way
• Strike up a conversation with a random stranger and ask them thoughtful questions
• Find ways you can make society better, more rewarding and interesting
• Invent something or improve upon an old convention

Be more hands on:

We are a society that is very much out of touch with our instincts. We don't have to use and sharpen then. We live in an automated, highly technical and ever-increasing digital world. I don't put down modern and technical conventions as they have their own appealing qualities, I just think we are greatly handicapped by them through our own ignorance and lack of exploration and awareness.

So how can we really be muses of anything?

How can we really appreciate anything?

How can we really understand and FEEL?

I think it's important to keep old traditions alive because make US feel alive. Our senses remain sharp, aware and functioning. Never at a loss. Never dull.

Rather than go out to eat or buy microwave food, cook sometimes from SCRATCH or learn how to for a particular recipe. The meal will be that much more appreciated. I would even say growing one's own vegetables and fruits gives a different sense of appreciation too. I wonder how many people would consume as much meat as they did if they had to hunt and prepare it themselves.

Rather than typing a letter why not write one. A LONG one...and do it often. Why not a short story or *gasp* a novel?

Instead of drawing something on the computer, why not get the paints, charcoals, pastels, markers, pens or conte out to draw? G further and maybe create and stretch your own canvas, make your own brushes, make and mix your own paints just to see what it feels like? Use natural objects as brushes such as twigs, leaves, flower petals, and hands.

Why not learn how to play an instrument or take some voice lessons for fun to get a different appreciation for music and singing? Even just reading about the history of music can change one's perspective.

Rather than renting a movie for a particular title, why not go read the book?
Rather than seeing a movie, why not go see a theatre production with live actors and music?

Rather than reading about a particular culture, country or city, why not plan a trip someday to visit that region to get a real sense of the area? Learn the language?

Why not look up some craft projects and get busy with them and get your hands dirty? Try to make an article of clothing for yourself, a piece of jewelry, your own sculpture or piece of dish ware or a bath and beauty accessory (creams, lotions, soap, shampoo, perfume)? Include stuff like making your own butter, cheese, wine, spread, jam, jelly or oil?

You get the picture. I love stuff like this. It is important to hone desires for these things and to find ways to incorporate these types of activities and a quality of curiosity into your daily living. Make them a part of your life; necessary, natural and therapeutic rituals to fully activate your muse power and spirit.

Upon further thought, embracing yourself as a muse also inspires more love and appreciation for self. You really start to admire your own brand of beauty in and out and acknowledge how valuable it is in its own right...what it can do, what it means and how it can inspire and compel many.

So my recommendation is to begin embracing yourself as a muse, in the ways it best unleashes and suits the true you regardless of age, gender, sexuality, appearance and so on.

No need to wait.

Begin now. See and explore your beauty in all its glory and OWN and USE it.

Perhaps the trend isn’t so new in certain cultures, in some older generations and cases of estranged relationships between two people who stay married on paper and still live together, but in North America overall the trend of couples, living together either in marriage or a long-term partnership, maintaining separate bedrooms and bathrooms is steadily on the rise.

There are even marriage couples who are looking into buying separate houses, condos and apartment. The claim is that maintaining a good deal of personal space keeps a relationship healthy, symbiotic and enduring.

I am not sure what I think about this solidly. I know being in a long-term relationship (for two years now) with my fiancé, who lives in Canada while I live in the US, taints my opinion of maintaining major separate living conditions. The last thing I’d want to do, after the distance is finally gone between us, is to continue to keep that factor going.

Separate Bathrooms

I do find separate bathrooms very desirable. It is especially ideal for couples who have different habits and similar/different work schedules. One partner might have way more personal items than the other and not mind the counter being somewhat populated. It might sound like a preference based on messiness and laziness but if you are a person who needs to have reasonable access to relative items as you wash your face, comb your hair, apply makeup/shave and so forth, then you will want to arrange certain items around the counter space conveniently and keep those areas dedicated.

Some people are very minimal and extremely low-maintenance. They can’t stand the idea of anything around the counter space aside from a solid bar or bottle of liquid soap and a few hand towels to dry their face with.

A couple’s work schedules can affect the necessity or desirability for separate bathrooms. Usually a household contains a master bathroom connected to or near the master bedroom. If both partners need to get up at the same time to get ready for work and one person needs more time to get ready, then I am sure both people will appreciate having different bathrooms. But I find this to be the least promotional argument for having separate bathrooms. Whether or not two bathrooms spaces are classified each as belonging to a partner is not really effectual. If there is more than one bathroom in the house, someone can always use the other one regardless.

So I think having separate bathrooms is more impacted by habits and need for privacy.

Separate Bedrooms

Hmmm…well this tightens up things a bit. I will bring up the point I made with having two bathrooms, in that if one partner, for whatever reason, wants to sleep in another bedroom, given that there’s more than one bedroom in the house, then they can just do this without classifying it as “their” room.

So this means when I think of a couple having separate bedrooms, it’s more than just an occasional condition. It’s stable and consistent. In this case, I can’t see the desire for this in what I personally consider an idea relationship. I love the idea of sleeping close to my partner in bed each night. I like to feel him near as it makes me feel affectionate, secure and comforted. These seem like natural desires.

I remember reading a thread on a discussion board years ago, asking forum users if they liked the idea of having a separate bedroom from their partner. One man replied that he was a chronic and extremely loud snorer and his wife was a light sleeper. Ever since they got married, she initially found it hard to sleep next to him snoring so loudly and would experience nights where she got very little sleep for work the next day. As a result, he said they winded up maintaining separate sleeping areas. He took on another bedroom in the house.

Another woman mentioned that she and her husband had completely different work schedules and when her husband got up to get ready for work, she did not want her sleep disturbed. So they too began to cultivate separate sleeping quarters.

I guess I can understand these exceptional cases…especially the first one as I would just hate hearing snoring period. That makes me feel glad that I don’t have a partner that snores like that and that I am not a snorer myself.

I think it’s important otherwise for couples to bond physically throughout their relationship, including at bedtime. This doesn’t always mean having sex. This just means being close together. I am not always one to snuggle, especially during very hot weather, but I do like to cuddle up often to my partner when sleeping. Eventually we move apart in our sleep anyway, so it’s not a hindrance. I am not worried about being put in a mindless choke hold while asleep.

Separate Houses

OK this is very weird to me. I can see doing this as a couple wanting to move in together after they officially get married. I can see this for a couple who is not married. As I write this I don’t have anything against cohabiting couples, especially since I’ve experienced this myself in the past, these are just reasons where I can see living in separate houses making sense.

As for a married couple, I don’t understand the reasoning behind this. It’s like a marriage couples wants to have their cake and eat it too. They want the feeling of being single while being married. I think if a couple needs separate housing, they might want to examine their desire for a long-term relationship or marriage…as well as the condition of their relationship period. I mean what’s the point of living in two completely different housing spaces?

Sleep in a different room if you have to in order to maintain privacy, but again different building means “trouble in utopia” so to speak.

I think one other area that might make sense here is if a couple is going through a separation period. They don’t want to officially split up but they do need their time apart to sort things out. They might feel that even living in the same house in separate bedrooms is too close for comfort so they work out living in separate housing until they can resolve their issues.

Overall, people are experimenting with new ways to define their relationships/marriages. For some people, these options work for them. They are able to maintain a healthy and close relationship while sustaining different types of living spaces from mild to extreme. I can’t really argue against whatever a couple does if it makes sense for them and it works.

But I think with whatever decisions people make here, they need to be completely honest about their motivations so both people know that they are on the same page and there are no excuses being made to slowly but safely detach oneself away from a relationship…in other words, taking the passive aggressive approach.

I always love to hear different takes and experiences on this subject though.

The classic song by 80s rap group Black Sheep, "The Choice is Yours" comes to mind right now.

I just read an entry on a Dear Sugar blog. This was the blog entry:

This or That: Her Husband Confesses to Cheating or Having Feelings For You?

Your friend mentioned that she’s been having some issues with her husband lately, however you didn’t realize the extent of it until you head to their house for a dinner party. You watch his behavior turn from bad to worse with each drink. He’s continuing to pick fights with her and she’s obviously humiliated. When she heads into the kitchen, you pull him aside and ask him to stop his unreasonable behavior. Would it be worse if he responds by . . .

This: Confessing to seeing another woman on the side? He’s completely guilt ridden, which is why he's acting this way but he wants to make things right although your friend will be absolutely devastated to learn this news.

Or . . .

That: Revealing that he has deep feelings for you?. His lust and desire for you has made him realize that he can’t stay with your friend anymore.

My thinking is that...it's bad and I'd carry a burden either way but I think it would be worse if he revealed I was the object of his desire. In the case of him telling me about his affair and wanting to work things out...that is such a sensitive scenario. My immediate desire would be to tell my friend but the reactions here could be so complex. It's like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't on so many levels. What I would do is urge him to tell her. Tell her or else I will. That will make it that he has some pressure on his butt to make a move regardless of what results. If he doesn't, then I'd tell her and I'd argue that if it was none of my damn business, then he would have shut his mouth in the first place and not involved me knowing.

In the other scenario...if his partner is my best or good friend, how is she going to react once she finds out not only that he is cheating on some level, but that it involves me??

Of course I would never indulge his desires or return any of his interest. I will NOT do that to a friend for anything even after they break up. But he'd still be cheating because he has fallen in love with me. He's emotionally detached nonetheless. I consider that a form of cheating...hence he has to hide his feelings from his partner.

Anyway...when someone learns that they are being cheated on and their partner loves someone else, I can imagine them handling the situation irrationally and wildly because understandably they are in deep pain. So with the irrationality in context, I can see my friend taking out great anger on me just because I happen to be her partner's love interest and the reason her partner no longer wants to be with her. That's a pretty big mindfuck.

What woman wants to hear this about her best friend and her man? Rationally, she should not blame me and see that I only have her best interests at hand, but again emotions make people internalize a situation in so many unexpected ways. I would give my friend her space but openly and directly let her know I am there for her if she wants to talk.

I would not follow up on any contact with her partner if he tried contacting me later especially if he was an associated friend. I can imagine that he'd try to get with me after they broke up thinking he had a chance.

I think this situation will reveal how strong the friendship is between two women and what kind of dynamics are at play. If the friendship had any underlying catty, ego and jealousy issues to begin with, you'll certainly see them come to the surface in one way or another here on either side...that's for sure.

How would you handle this situation? and which scenario do you think is worse? Anyone experience this before?

I saw a documentary last night that was very intriguing. It was featured as a free movie selection on Sundance On Demand. The documentary is called Off The Grid: Life on the Mesa.

I've always wondered what it would be like to live completely off the grid and construct an autonomous style of living...creating sources of power, plumbing and food all by my lonesome without municipal aid. It is easy to romanticize and idealize the notion but in reality it would be a pretty harsh lifestyle if you didn't have the means to make independence work and run smoothly.

The experiences of autonomous living can vary and my opinion is that the film I saw last night was just one of the many off-the-grid living arrangements. Not exactly the most poetic.

In this documentary, the filmmakers filmed the lives of several people who live in this off the grid community of 400 people in New Mexico called "the mesa" which is near the city of Taos. The community is comprised of extreme loners, vets suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome, runaway teens, mentally ill people seeking refuge, ex-hippies, radical anarchists/neo-luddites, junkies, gun rebels, and various anti-social eccentrics.

The community also has its own hierarchy...with "elders" and "mamas" being on top. They are generally older and they strive to keep the peace in the neighborhood when meetings are held to make decisions which includes how to deal with new residents who might be problematic. No one contacts the law and every resident is pretty staunch about that as they strive to create their own rules entirely.

That brings up a question: If a community can successfully live off the grid away from most of society and mainstream civilization (including creating their own bartering system and currency), should they be subject to governmental laws and regulations?

Anyway, according to the community, each person must follow only two rules:

    
• Don't shoot your neighbor

    
• Do not steal from anyone

All food is self-harvested or picked up from a donation ranch in the nearest town and each community member takes a bath at least every 3 weeks to a month in nearby streams and pools of water. Some residents still visit medical centers in Taos as well as collect unemployment or veteran checks (not exactly completely off the grid). The currency of the community is weed. Neighbors barter and exchange food and items for marijuana.

Some of the people in the film have access to some donated solar panels and many attempt to construct greenhouses on the land. However, the land is extremely arid and they are out in the middle of high desert ground, so you can imagine how difficult it is for anyone to harvest crops on that type of "soil". They are competing with ground and succulent plants that are extremely water absorbent.

One of the residents is a pig farmer named Stan (older guy) who has lived out on the mesa for years and he has his own supply of sheep, goats, chickens and pigs that he continuously breeds to keep a constant supply of milk, meat and animal fur for clothing, housing and the like. He is the first to greet and see runaways that come to find a place to live on the mesa. As a result, he often takes strays in until they move on to another location or travel further onto the mesa grounds.

As I watch this documentary, I realize that there is no way in hell I'd like to live in an environment like this.

How stable is this community in reality?
What about the women there?
Are there ever any occurrences of rape or sexual harassment?
How does the community deal with these types of offenses?
With some of the mentally unstable and gun fanatic residents living there, how does that affect safety?

Nothing was mentioned in the film about these types of scenarios so viewers don't gain complete clarity. I also notice that all the residents are white. Very poor and white with very extreme views. I don't see any Asians, blacks or Latinos on the grounds. How openly does the community embrace people from other racial backgrounds? Viewers never get a good sense of this either. Perhaps all would be well in such a community UNTIL someone non-white joined in. Basically, I still don't get a very clear picture of what this community is like entirely and if it is the taoist wild west, open-insane asylum, hard knocks-living utopia many residents claim that it is.

It seems chaotic, way too wild and a bit dangerous but somehow, at least on camera, it appears that the residents make it work for them. They manage to let nature take its course and create some level of mutual respect with one another and grant each person their desired space and privacy.

One of the "mamas", Phyllis, who used to be a full-time psychiatrist before she moved out on the mesa, mentioned that although she and the other residents often struggle for food and water and it's not often that everyone can take baths, eat off of clean plates, get fuel working for their stoves or keep warm, she wouldn't trade living on the mesa for anything else because with this living comes a sense of peace. She mentioned that when she goes into the city sometimes, she feels nervous, agitated, out of balance and completely scattered, but once she returns to the community, she feels total integration.

It's hard to imagine her view because I see no comfort or stability in their living...at least from the outside looking in. I don't see opportunities to be clean, well-fed or nurtured consistently. I see a lot of dysfunction and I see bone-hard living. I try my best to get out of the way of odd mentally unstable homeless people on the city streets, so why would I want to live in a community where many come to live and commune?

But I wonder how I'd adapt to such a lifestyle. Would I find peace in that or would I run back to ready-made constructs of modern civilization in complete relief and ecstasy?

There are many more characters that are interviewed and filmed in this documentary but you must see the rest for yourself. I recommend the documentary. It is thought-provoking.

I feel strongly that I would not want to live in such an environment and that I would not adapt. I think the community the residents live in is for certain mindsets. It's where the pariahs of the pariahs can really feel a sense of home and belonging and although I have my eccentricities and like my solitude, that's not my kind of energy.

I am fascinated with off-the-grid living in more of a prepared context...a mode that involves an environmentally-driven awareness that leads to alternative and more sustainable ways of living. The documentary's off-the-grid living appears destitute and abrasive...like a skid row paradise taken off into the desert. No thanks.

As for the latter, what I find desirable, I can't see this model becoming standardized because big businesses would make sure of this.

A part of me is glad that gas prices are going up because it is forcing people to look seriously at alternative fuel solutions and take global warming seriously. You'd think now that it seems that we've reached the era of peak oil, some people who are otherwise intelligent, would finally get IT and turn their business industries into a new direction or market.

They could start collaborating with other relative companies to further regulate cogeneration waste principles by combining, reusing and regenerating fuel byproducts. They could sponsor and campaign for politicians and other companies that discuss solutions that advocate ending the use of fossil fuels and they could seek out investors or become investors themselves for these causes.

I remember years ago talking to someone who complained that they got a letter in the mail from the their electric company warning them about their unhealthy practices and demanding that they use a certain percentage of their electricity per month in order to abide by health regulations. This person explained that for about 3 months, the household decided not to use any of their electricity...just candlelight and battery-operated lights and cookers. They thought they could save quite a bit of money this way and be more sustainable...but of course as with most things...they encountered bureaucracy. You'll encounter this in so many industries because it's all in the interest of big business...you'll especially see it in the automobile, housing and agricultural industries.

My opinion is that we have not reached a workable state yet in the way we run this economy and our government. The industrial revolution was only recent and I think we need several more stages of evolution to get to where we need to be. Green capitalism would be the next and ideal stage...but as we are seeing the new frontier of super-sized corporations like never before, people who seek this change and know that it is needed are up for a hard trial against those types of interests. We can have large corporations but corporations are going to have to start networking with smaller businesses to fit them into their revenue grid rather than remain as complete controllers of various markets. Some might see this as a form of socialism or a mild form of communism, but I disagree. You still have capitalism, you just have a better working model of it. Everyone can still have a piece of the pie and indulge self interests. Our future is headed to a world of large corporate giants maintaining and controlling everything with most of the world acting as frenzied consumers. Does sound much like a free enterprise with a diverse markets?

For example take the company Monsanto (We can also include Wal-Mart as a good example). They are a super corporation. They own over 70% of the market share and pull in the most revunue in the agribusiness industry. In the last year their stock has appreciated over 120% and they are the biggest producers of genetically modified and engineered seeds and plants. They are gratuitous with their use and development of herbicides and pesticides and the company, as a leader in this context, have the science of "monoculturalizing" and "StarLinking" crops down to a tee.

If the local government of every city was were to draft or pass a policy for new urban planning which involved a construction of a local farming community and market in each region, you'd see a lot of red tape appear to stop these measures. Why? Because big companies like Monsanto would want no part of this. They'd lose business and footing as the major supplier of produce in the global agribusiness market. Large companies aren't big sponsors of localist actions like these for this reason.

They want to make sure to keep a hold on their respective markets so that they continue to control and take in most of the revenue. This is pretty much a legal form of monopoly. Yes based on our larges and free market enterprise, large corporations have a right to do this and as long as consumers buy into their market holds, they'll continue to do business as they are doing it. They'll string a lot of consumers in by offering very low prices and mass quantities of products...but of course the price we really pay is with how we effect the environment when it comes to the sheer amount of land, toxins and energy we use to produce goods on a global level. Companies like this will argue that we need their structure and their presence and that they do good for sick countries and poor people all around. But localism of course is always a better choice...-especially- for poor people.

Just go back to that popular phrase: "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."

So I do think that we are due for several more rounds of evolution. We have some great principles and concepts to follow and we've covered a few grounds but we are still in the dark ages. It's definitely time to wake up and restructure.

I went grocery shopping today because tomorrow I am making a huge Mother's Day dinner for, of course, my mother. I am going to make black beans, cheese enchiladas, Spanish rice, guacamole, pico de gallo (to be eaten with tortilla chips), mixed berry parfaits and fresh limeade.

I decided to get something to eat before heading out for groceries.

On my way to Costco, I began thinking about what I'd do if I won 10 million dollars from playing the lottery. I thought about many of the simple things I enjoy doing and all of the average-priced items that I buy once in awhile. Most of us are used to the feeling a need to budget when eating out, buying new books, CDs, clothes and the like. We fantasize about what it would be like to not feel any pressure to conserve money so often.

One person who considers him/herself a fan of Fuddruckers might once in awhile think how awesome it would be to buy several orders of fries and shakes for friends and family without a care. Of course, the average person CAN do this but can they do it several times a week or daily without much thought on keeping to a budget?

I know the average American is irresponsible with their money and lives way above their means with a huge history of debt, but outside of this, how freely and frequently can the everyday person indulge in their favorite purchases while claiming to live well within their means?

My point is that it seems that once someone instantly becomes rich, they'll likely create new standards or limits to reflect that change. A person who enjoyed eating regularly at Subway would probably abandon eating at their favorite chain often just because they accumulated millions of dollars through a contest, lottery drawing or entertainment career endeavor. They will look down on Subway and see mostly expensive, sit-down, affluent-associated restaurants as their new dining standard and swear that they can no longer go back to eating at Subway regularly because, "Like I am so above Subway now!"

As for me, I can't lie and say I don't enjoy the idea of luxury and opulence. I so do. But even my idea of luxury is not about bling-bling but about doing more of the things I like that personally define me and my tastes. I can't see myself buying a Ferrari just because I soon came into a massive amount of money.

Why? Well Ferraris just aren't my kind of car. I can appreciate their technology and design and I think some models are cooler looking than others, but they aren't what I think of when I picture a dream car. I know. That sounds so unbelievable and blasphemous. Like I am totally full of crap. But it's true.

I know many people buy Ferraris simply because they are status symbols and it's all about show and tell. They might never stop and ask themselves if this is the car they really want or if this type of car truly represents them. They care that the car is a Ferrari and now they can finally buy one and be one of the cool kids.

I've always loved the new VW Beetles and the Mini Coopers. I'd still go out and get one of these cars if I won 10 million dollars. I'd look into very cool hybrids as well as Smart Cars. I do like Bentleys as well...but not because they are Bentley's but because they are very sleek and sophisticated looking cars and you can completely customize them before an order. If a Bentley model costs around 50k rather than say 150k and above, I'd still think the way I do about Bentley models. This is just the kind of mindset I have. If not thinking about a car and I lived in an area where I didn't need one, I'd totally go for custom-made but sturdier forms of surrey bikes or an Electra bike.

So in answering the question what would I do if I won 10 million dollars? The first thing I'd do is free myself from slave status. This means I'd get rid all debts and loans by paying them off completely. I'd be ecstatic about being totally debt-free. I'd then offer my immediate family some money and wholly restore their house to its current market value. They could do whatever they wanted with the house afterwards...as well as with the money given to them.

Next, I'd immediately think of ways in which I could build and maintain passive income from various sources by myself and with my fiancé. We'd certainly get a place together. So this means I'd look into business investments that I'd have the opportunity to explore without financial limitations that otherwise would exist. These would be good and lucrative business investments. I am a strong believer in the statement, "A fool and his money are soon parted."

That brings me to this entry's title. What I imagine doing with 10 million dollars and what I'd actually wind up doing with it, should I come into that kind of money, are two highly different contexts. At least for me it is.

I think of celebrities (especially famous athletes) who gain fortune rather quickly. It's like they go from 10 mph to 5000 mph in a matter of 10 seconds. How does one adjust to such an immediate and blazing change like this? What happens in between snail speed and light speed? Yeah I know you'd be loaded with lots of money, but I feel it is so very important for one to wrap their head around such a status transition...because it's a huge paradigm shift.

To just go out and buy a multi-million dollar mansion and a bazillion cars just because you suddenly have the money to do so is a fantasy of many and it seems the likely thing to do but should someone do this right away if they have no previous experience being wealthy to this degree or at all?

It's an ontological shock and I think people take for granted how NOT ready they are or would be for such great responsibility, financial power and leverage. I think it's important for someone to get a strong sense of how to handle their own money on some level when they become wealthy. They need to go out and research about the average cost of living, learn accounting, financial management and so forth. They need to really be close to seeing the numbers going in and out of their accounts when spending their money. Having someone else completely handle the money so that one is further removed from adjusting to his/her new financial disposition is a bad move. A person needs as much of a reality check as they can get. They need to be hands on and the lights need to be on mentally.

I also think that learning how to create residual income and make sound investments so that your financial worth remains above the water's surface is a great way to mentally adjust to being wealthy...especially if you suddenly came into wealth.

I'd do many of these things first before going out spending my money crazily even if I know I am insanely tempted. It's not just about money either. It's also about one's state of mind.

Many people live life according to their limitations. Not their Potential. Therefore, many people gain some measure of self-awareness through limitations. When one comes into a large sum of money, they really are challenged to see who they are at the core, because now he/she can start living less with limitation and with more options. This is actually kind of scary to think about and it's no wonder we often see how tragic, crazy and chaotic the lives of many rich celebs and lottery winners become. They can't handle the paradigm shift and they start to see what they are truly like when their world suddenly becomes embellished with tons of options they could only formerly dream about.

I wouldn't want to be one of those people and although you can't know everything based on theory because experience is often the best teacher, I feel that being very proactive when it comes to analyzing, understanding and being honest with myself is the right way to live. I try to think about who I am not just based on my limitations and current circumstances but based on many possible options...even if they'll never materialize.

I know that any drastic change that I undergo in life, whether good or bad, will be something that I need to adjust to as best as I can. I can't take that for granted. No one should.

So what would I do if I won 10 million dollars? Well you read what I'd do technically, but the most important actions I'd take would be to keep myself in check, stay real and remain true.

Otherwise, winning 10 million dollars would soon become a curse rather than a blessing.

A few days ago, I spoke with my fiancé about pedophilia and its causes. Pedophilia is understandably a very off-putting and disturbing topic for many. The topic can touch a nerve for those who have been abused, witnessed the behavior, know someone who has been a victim or are just completely sickened by the idea.

It's one of the many topics that I think about once in awhile because it's such an enigma to me. What causes one to have this type of sexuality? Is it nature, nurture or both? If it's nature, how can we explain this psychologically and medically? These are some of the questions I ask myself.  Presently there are only loose theories about the causes and there are no solid proven answers amongst medical professionals and social scientists.

I've always been an extremely curious individual. I am the type of person who is fascinated by things that are abnormal, controversial, rare, strange, wacky, zany and the like. I enjoy learning about various cultures, traditions, sciences, arts, trivial information and much more. I love learning overall and any chance I can get but the farther something is outside the margins of normality, the more it piques my interest. A lot of people just don't want to open themselves up to what exists outside of their comfort zone. They willfully block these things out from their learning agenda and place limits on exploring. They fear that the knowledge and awareness that they may obtain through the process of seeking without boundaries can linger and haunt them forever...or in some cases destroy or tarnish.

I understand this thinking and I've experienced it, but somehow my curiosity continues to get the best of me. I immediately think of the death of author/journalist Iris Chang. No one truly knows why she committed suicide but it has been theorized that although she suffered with chronic depression for a good while, she fell into a very abysmal, paranoid and unrecoverable state of depression that catapulted her to suicide, after researching heavily and relentlessly for her book, The Rape of Nanking. I realize that the research work for her book was not a mere act of curiosity but rather an expression of advocacy and commemoration for the Chinese victims of Japanese war crimes but if the suspicion surrounding her death is true, then it is a good case for how unadulterated awareness in some contexts might lead to or exacerbate mental anguish, disturbance and dissonance.

Is it healthy to open our minds to any and every reality that's out there?  Should we keep some topics unexplored in order to preserve a sense of well-being? I guess it is up to each person to answer this question because the answers will differ from one person to the next.

My fiancé mentioned that subject matter dealing with serial killers, murder, pedophilia, suicide and the like are themes he dislikes exploring...even on a purely intellectual level. He doesn't want to know why or how when it comes to the minds of people who commit acts in the aforementioned categories.

I, on the other hand, am fascinated by human behavior on many levels which includes behavior in those areas. I find that the more extreme human behavior is, the more it makes us question what we define as normal for our kind. I also think it reveals how certain elements that exist in "normality" can create many instances of what we consider abnormal. It's easy for the mainstream of a given society to feel that it is completely separate and uninspiring to behavior and people that we deem as depraved, perverse and immoral.

I personally think that knowledge can be a way to protect ourselves. If we understand, to some degree, the mindset of people who are for whatever reason prone to criminal behavior, then we can make wiser choices about how to shield ourselves and loved ones from harm. We can trust without paranoia and we can clearly recognize the way that we influence others and contribute to society over the course of our lives. It is easy to think that there is more bad than good when we consistently learn of atrocities, tragedies and acts of terror and degradation. This feeling is further enhanced by living in a society where violence is constantly promoted, talked about and shown through many media outlets.

Growing up, I read a lot on forensic pathology, abnormal psychology/mental illness as well as serial killers. I developed a sizable book collection on these topics. This was also during a time when I had aspirations of becoming a psychiatrist or a forensic scientist. As for serial killers, their backgrounds, motives and minds deeply interested me on an intellectual level. I wanted to know how some of these people could commit the bizarre and nightmarish crimes they did. I wanted to know how and why they were so different from what we perceive as the average person. I wanted to understand the mysterious nature and causes behind psychopathy and sociopathy, all the while feeling disgust and disdain. I also wanted to understand myself in relation to such extremes.

As I absorbed more information on these subjects, I will say that a lot of it disturbed and haunted my mind for quite some time. I remember first listening to a song by one of my favorite bands Oneroid Psychosis entitled "Discharge" from their album Dreams with Pollutions When Virile and an extreme state of darkness came upon me. Each time I played the track, my mind obsessively went back to many of the explicit stories and details I read about various serial killers.  The heavy and discordant mood was hard to shake and at the time, the track made me feel like I lived in a world completely taken over by violent perversity and mental depravity. As a synesthete, the song also triggered menacing,  unusual and ghostly blends of colors (glowing oranges, yellow circular highlights and large spaces of blackness), images, and textures.

This effect was of course a compliment to their brilliant ability to create, set and trigger mood. The song is beautiful and it's masterfully produced by talented duo/brothers Leif and Lars Hansen, but the melody created such an intense atmosphere for me. When I listen to the track now, it no longer conjures those feelings although I remember them. I can enjoy it in a different way. I think I allowed those moods to run their course. The purged themselves automatically over time.

However, there are some topics that still rattle and shake me up a bit. I am uncomfortable talking extensively about the possible death of loved ones because this subject rates high on my list of fears. I am uncomfortable talking about incest because it is extremely unnatural and disgusting to me. I am also uncomfortable discussing topics on phobias that I have and sometimes I just don't feel like putting my mind in a sinister or grimy context, so this will influence what I am open to exploring and talking about on a given day.

With this being said, I admit I have a hard time understanding people who choose to be extremely closed to topics and realities outside of their comfort zone. It's one thing to refrain from becoming a specialist on some topics and talking about gritty gratuitous details because they are too upsetting or vile to handle, but another to totally block out all acknowledgment.  I think it's dangerous to side with willful ignorance because it keeps some doors to understanding self and others forever closed.

I think there should be a balance...a healthy one between choosing what to completely expose yourself to and learning a bit more about this world that we live in whether it is good or bad. I think this balance has to be cultivated with respect to how strong we think we are and should be mentally, spiritually and emotionally as individuals. Some of us are more impressionable and/or sensitive than others. Some of us are trying to cleanse ourselves from toxic ideas and thoughts in order to maintain healthiness and others might be trying to run away from deeply hidden desires or drives within themselves. It's a mixed bag.

With me, being excessively curious will always be a given. I have a very active mind that requires lots of stimulation and I enjoy understanding things. This is a strong core trait and inclination. I don't have the option of ridding myself of it and I don't feel that I should if I could . I have learned to recognize when I need to use filters and when it's OK to fully explore and learn. I have also learned to realize when I seek out dark knowledge and subject matter to match and feed a dark mood and when I am showing innate and healthy intellectual curiosity. These sharpened areas of my intuition have, to some degree, have been nurtured by having an open mind. I also admit that I am just intrigued by what's different...outside of intellectual development.

What are some topics that disturb you? Which topics do you completely avoid discussing in depth? Why? Do you feel that our minds should be completely open to all levels of reality or do you feel that we should place limits on our curiosity? Why do you feel the way you do?